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I’m not going to sugarcoat this for you, ladies. Our brains can be messed up sometimes. Because despite our accomplishments, intelligence, and amazing bodies (yes, ladies, they are incredible) even the strongest and most secure women have moments of insecurity. For some, it’s something we struggle with on a regular basis. I’m not pretty enough, I’m too fat, I’m too old, I’m too short, my boobs are too small, my ass is too big—the freakin’ list goes on and on.

But here’s the kicker: Even if we all know these thoughts are a product of social conditioning (from marketing, peers, family, movies, and TV) we still think them. Okay, I can’t speak for you, but I know I have these thoughts, especially now that I’ve had two kids and have officially reached middle age. Yet, I would never—not in a million years—call myself insecure.

So what gives?

Honestly, half of me feels more grounded than ever, but the other half feels increasingly uncomfortable in my own skin. I think it’s because in our minds, we all have a self-image (this is what I look like. That’s me!) But now the face in the mirror keeps changing, and every time I get used to her, she ages just a little more. She is definitely chunkier than before, too. (Computer work is not my ass’s friend!)

Anyway, I like—or maybe I need—to write about things I struggle with. Okay, yes, I also write about things that just make me smile. But there’s something extremely therapeutic about exploring self through my characters and using them to reinforce the truth:

We aren’t fat.

We aren’t fugly.

We’re really just amazing women with the most incredible bodies that can do astounding things. I’m not just talking about having babies, though when you really think about all that, it’s beyond comprehension. I’m talking about the way we think, our propensity for compassion, empathy, and love, our resilience, and problem solving skills (we’re great at using both sides of our brains and marrying it all up with intuition). Women are incredible!

So how do we rise above the ugly noise inside our heads?

Good question.

And it’s one my character Macie tries to answer in my new release, SKINNY PANTS. Hint: It has to do with love and trusting those around you who aren’t plagued with your particular blind spots. It’s a similar theme I address in my book, FUGLY, but I come at it from a different angle.

So, my advice when you’re feeling fat and fugly? Get the hell out of your head and find something or someone to ground you in reality. A good book, movie, friend, or spouse. Find something that reminds you of how incredible you really are. If you’re unable to do that in a moment of insane self-doubt, then think about someone who loves you and ask yourself why. You will find that the answer isn’t about your ass, face, wrinkles, or booty. They love YOU.

With Love,


From New York Times Bestseller Mimi Jean Pamfiloff Comes a New, Standalone, Romantic Comedy, SKINNY PANTS. (Book Three, The Happy Pants Café Series)



JACK REED has been through hell. His wife cheated on him, broke his heart, and lied for years. But moving on isn’t easy, and it’s impossible to trust women again. Until he meets Macie, a nurse at his new hospital. There’s something about her honest heart that makes him want to fight to get his life back.

NURSE MACIE FRANKLIN was always known as “the fat girl.” After decades of failed diets, she doesn’t dream of ever being anything but invisible to the opposite sex. One moment of weakness and two glasses of bubbly later, she’s in a steamy online chat with “Dr. J-Love” as the fake, size 8, bubbly Catrina.

Their passionate conversation convinces her it’s time to make big life changes. But when she goes to see Dr. Reed, the new amazing surgeon everyone’s talking about, it’s Dr. J-Love! And he’s way hotter in person.

They hit it off a second time as friends, but now Macie’s heart is at risk of falling hopelessly in love. Will he ever love the real her back?