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Five GREAT Excuses to Get Out of Work so You Can Finish Your Juicy Romance Novel

Every so often you pick up a book that you absolutely cannot put down. You don’t just want to find out what happens, you NEEEED to know! The quality of your existence is diminished until you reach your prize…the end. Dinner ends up being leftover spaghetti, you tell yourself laundry can wait (you always did like it when your hubby went commando), and your hair, well, didn’t the stylist tell you on your last visit that washing it every day is bad? You fall asleep (if you actually go to bed) dreaming of the characters and wake up pining for them.

But what if you haven’t finished yet and have to go to the office? Or drive the kids to school and soccer practice? You’ll just die if you don’t finish that book!! You know you will!!

On the rarest of rare occasions that you are forced to lie on behalf of your sanity, here are some handy excuses that might land you a Get-Out-of-Work Card:

5. SOLAR FLARE PHOBIA. Scientists and New Agers alike have been saying for years that global unrest increases with solar flare activity. What better excuse is there than suddenly developing a case of Solar Flare Phobia where you must stay at home? In case you were wondering, there are solar flares every day. So handy!

4. FIND A HOLIDAY AND MAKE IT YOURS! Have you ever looked at how many holidays there are every day around the world? If not, there’s Chances are on any given day, you’ll find a great holiday worthy of observance by reading a romance novel. March 20th…World Frog Day. Who in their right mind can mock the frog and work on such a glorious day?

3. DECLARE PERSONAL FORCE MAJEURE. Hey, large companies do it all the time for even the smallest of issues that are clearly not “acts of God.” The conversation goes something like this: “I have fallen victim to a force outside my control (a really, really hot hero in leather pants); therefore, I must be released of all contractual obligations (i.e. writing that boring report) until the event has passed.”

2. YOU’VE BEEN EXPOSED TO A HORRIBLE, VERY, VERY CONTAGEOUS VIRUS. And it will take exactly 400 pages to find out if you have contracted it. In the meantime, quarantine is the best course of action!

1. CRAMPS. No explanation needed.